From time to time police officers are offered training in a variety of topics. Anything from sign language (and I don’t mean giving the ‘bird’ at a passing motorist who tried to run you over) to Serial Killers & Lust Murders. One of the myriad of courses I took was to be able to operate breath testing equipment for DUI.
As a breath testing technician I was called to booking to operate the machine for other officers. One particular test I performed sticks with me to this day.
It was a dark and stormy night (really) when I was summoned to booking to run the machine. It takes a few minutes to fire it up, run some blanks and fill in the log.
The arresting officer usually takes this time to complete a report called an A-I-R ~ Alcohol Influence Report. It has a series of nonsensical and mundane questions for the impaired driver to answer.
The purpose of the questions is not got get a real answer, although they come in handy too. It is designed to lure the uninhibited/smartass into making stupid or angry remarks that can come back to haunt them if they foolishly decide to have a jury trial. Many a giggle has been evoked from a jury upon hearing some of the A-I-R responses.
This particular night the suspect was an elderly black gentleman. He was in his mid 60’s, with an average build. He was balding and had kind eyes, like Santa Clause eyes. He had a cheerful nature and when his lips drew back into a wide smile it exposed a gap between his otherwise perfect teeth.
What a sweet guy I thought as I prepared the machine for his test.
The arresting officer began the A-I-R interview. Among the questions asked a few still stick in my memory.
Have you been drinking alcoholic beverages? “oh, yeah”
When did you start drinking? “lemme see, um, when I was 12”
When was your last drink? “jus a fore you pulled me”
What were you drinking? “Colt” (refers to Colt 45 malt liquor~ A cheap, overly strong beer, often found in poor neighborhoods in 40 oz bottles. Can occasionally be good; usually isn't)
Where were you drinking? “in da ca”
When was the last time you ate? “suppah time’
What did you eat?
His mouth drew into a wide smile, flashing that pumpkin gap in his teeth as he recalled the statisfying meal. His eyes twinkled and spoke in a contented tone……
WAIT FOR IT………………………..
“A possum sammich and sweet patayta pie!
