Everyone thought it was so great when they came out with ‘OnStar’. If you were lost a bitch-in-a-box could tell you where you were and where to go. Not that all bitches wouldn’t accommodate telling you where to go. And it would rat on burglars or car thieves by phoning ‘home’.
But, like all things, unforeseen problems are part of the deal. Unforeseen problems are like turds, they roll down hill and cops are always living in the valley.
One night the dispatcher sent me to an ‘onStar’ activation. Seems someone was tampering with a purdy new Cadillac. I smelled the turd the second she finished dispatching me.
The closest they could come to the location was an intersection. It so happens that on one side of that intersection was the CADILLAC dealership and on the other side of the street is a shopping mall. The mall lets the CADILLAC dealership park it’s overflow inventory on the back side of their parking lot. (for money I’m sure)
Me: “On scene, headquarters, can you give me the tag number?”
Dispatch: “No tag available”. -Saw that one coming, Duh - new cars but I had to ask.......
Me: “Can you give me a vehicle color?”
Dispatch: “No color available”. - I shoulda known better but had to ask…
Me: “How about a model type?”
Dispatch: “No model available”… – I shoulda known better…
Me: “Can they flash the lights or honk the horn?”
Dispatch: “Negative”. - I shoulda known better…
By this time I had scanned all 100 cars at the dealership and was cruising up and down the aisles of the 200 Cadillacs at mall. No human activity, it was 0300. No sparkles of broken glass on the ground.
Sitting silent with engine off, not a noise except for a crotch rocket winding it up in the distance.
“OK radio, what do they want me to do?”
“Ascertain the vehicle and the problem”……….
I am thinking WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But I’m a pro, no snotty radio procedure….(you believe that don’t ya?)
“Radio, there are about 300 Cadillacs here and I don’t see any problem.”
I advised back in service, no problem found.
Dispatcher: “We have a VIN number can you check?”
Screw it, professional is no longer an option - in the snottiest tone I could muster:
“You have to be kidding Radio, didn’t you just hear me say there are almost 300 cars here?”
“You have to be kidding Radio, didn’t you just hear me say there are almost 300 cars here?”
{ Are you Shitting me?}
10-8!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s a good thing I was the shift supervisor that night, I would have had to give myself a reprimand for wanting to choke out the dispatcher and nuke the OnStar brain trust………
