Sorry, Cinderella

Graduation from the Police Academy was a very happy day.  So I invited my mentor, the Sergeant in charge of sheparding recruits, and his wife to a BBQ and pool party for a small celebration.  

We told 'academy' stories and laughed alot. He and his wife were just a lot of fun. We'd polished of  a couple bottles of wine and had a little buzz going as we jumped into the pool/

 We all played a game of Marco Polo and every one was having a good time.  As it got later into the evening we relaxed on the steps of the pool he says to me, "So, when is your first shift?"

"Tomorrow." I replied.

"What shift did you get assigned to?"  he asked.

"Midnights."

So he says,  "Well isn't that in a couple hours from now?" 

Holy crap!  Here I was partying and I had to report to my first squad meeting in less than 3 hours! 

That buzz burned off real quick as I rushed to prepare for my first shift meeting.

When we walked out the cruiser my training officer asked me if I wanted to drive.

"Naw,  think I'll pass tonite if you don't mind.  I didn't think that was such a good idea.  I was not under the influence but I didn't want to take any chances.

A few hours into the shift we responded to a hit and run crash.  The remaining vehicle was so heavily damaged and there was a lot of debris from the car that left the scene.  We looked through it and there on the ground was a magnetic 'hide-a-key' box directly below where the 'run' car would have been,  inside was an ignition key.

We followed the leaking fluid trail about 12 blocks and found a car with extensive front end damage.  The driver, a woman, was passed behind the wheel.  She denied being the other half of our hit and run, but her goose was cooked.

Sorry, Cinderella, your key fits!  Duh....................

I learned a couple lessons that night:

• Pay closer attention to my schedule. 
• Never party a few hours before work
• There is no substitute for good friends who've got your back
• To err is human, to forgive is not department policy
• and there but for the grace of luck went I.

I never did that again!

(well, maybe a couple times, but I'm just sayin')

"BUT SARGE-----"

When you are a rookie it’s a good idea to attend as many calls as possible to swiftly build on your experience.  So even if it’s not your call you stop by and observe.  Key word- observe-.  No one wants to hear anything you have to say and you certainly don’t have any business butting in.  But your attendance is tolerated because everyone knows you have to learn.

I was still working for Gunnery Sergeant “OooRah” when the call went out.  There was a dead person in a decrepit old house in the poorest part of town.  It was in an adjoining zone so I decided to go slide by and observe.  I needed all the experience I could get.  Only the assigned zone car was on scene when I arrived.  They were already in the house.

It was an old wood frame Florida ‘cracker’ house.  It had clapboard siding and sat on concrete piers.  It had to be at least 100 years old.  The white wash paint was weathered down to that silver patina old wood gets. 

The linoleum was caked in dirt, yellow from time and peeling up everywhere except where the trail of heavy foot traffic had worn all the way through.  You had to be careful where you stepped as the floor boards were rotted to the consistency of sponge.  As I walked it bounced like a trampoline.  Breaking through and breaking a leg was a real possibility.

The whole house had the unmistakable smell of death.  It’s a stench that cannot be expressed on paper.  If you have ever had a snoot full of ripe road kill multiply that by 10 and you have the idea.  I tried to make like a fly on the wall as I knew my presence was barely tolerated.  My eyes could soak up the experience but I was expected to keep my trap shut.

The officers whose call it was had quickly sized up the situation by looking into the bedroom and pronouncing death from the door jamb.  She was a very old lady, looked to be in her 80’s or more.  Just her head protruded from under what appeared to be a pile of rags.  She was just a rack of bones really.  She couldn’t have weighed 90 lbs.  Kind of a fresher version of Norman Bates’ mother.

About this time Gnny. Sgt. ‘OooRah’ arrives.  He swiftly inspects the scene and assumes command, barking orders and instructing the dispatcher to send a removal team.  He notes my presence with a begrudged glance and quickly ignores me.  My presence is now accepted so I peruse the entire house.  How awful to be so alone, so poor, so neglected.  I went in to take a closer look at her and she winked at me.

I was stunned.  I had to be wrong.  It was kind of dark in there as the windows had about a hundred years of dirt on them.  The smell was overpowering but I got closer and looked into her face.  Her eyelids were fluttering!  I leaned in fighting the urge to hurl and checked her carotid artery for a pulse.  She had one!  Oh, my God- She’s alive! 

I had to say something but my job was to stay back and stay quiet. I just couldn’t do that. I knew it was gonna piss him off royal to hear me but I HAD to tell the Sarge right away. 

“Sarge,” I said.

“Not now.” Came the response.

“But Sarge….” I tried to get him to listen.

“NOT NOW!” he said, clearly annoyed with the obnoxious rookie.

“But Sarge, she’s not dead” I blurted the information quickly before he scolded me again.

“You shitting me?   You better not be shitting me!” he grumbled – as if it was my fault this thing was getting complicated.

He checked her and began barking orders for an ambulance into the radio.

Turned out she had no friends or family.  She'd had a stroke and was paralyzed.  She had lain in that bed for God knows how long in her own body fluids, which was the source of the odor.

The  EMT’s arrived and quickly attended to her.  (If there are angels walking the earth they surely drive ambulances).

I was just about to drive away when the Sarge walked past my car on the way to his, “Good job”, he muttered, glancing at me as he walked.

I don’t know which shocked me more, finding an alive dead lady or getting a compliment from my Sergeant.

Either way it felt good!