If you want some 'reality' entertainment, just take a seat in the peanut gallery at your neighborhood traffic court hearings. When ever I had a case I would arrive early and stay late just to see the show. Of course winning is fun too, but that's fodder for another day.
One day I was waiting for my case to be called and snuggled up in my seat to watch the case that was called before mine. The officer was someone I had attended the academy with.
He was very smart, highly educated and sickeningly self confident. The defendant was an older fellow, not 'old' but older than middle-age. He appeared to be someone who had bullied his way through life, backing everyone down- until he came across my fellow officer. The clash of ego's must have produced near nuclear fission!
The judge always starts court with a few instructions on courtroom decorum and how the case will be presented. Officer presents the case first, the defendant is given the opportunity to present their side, and cross examine or rebut the officer. Then the officer gets to rebut the rebuttal. The judge then makes a ruling.
On this day, before the judge could finish his spiel the defendant butts in, "I want an appeal!"
The judge says, "sir, you have not been found in violation yet. The officer needs to present his case."
Defendant glares at judge then officer.
Judge, "officer, you may proceed."
The officer explains how the defendant, who had grown impatient on a side street waiting for a gap to pull on to the main road, stuck his arm out the window, waved frantically hoping someone would slow down then pulled out violating the right of way and causing a driver to swerve and slam on brakes to avoid sending him to the next world."
"I want an appeal!" the bully says in a snotty tone.
Judge, "sir, you can appeal if and when you are convicted."
"All you guys are crooked, you're both in this together! I demand an appeal." claims the defendant.
Judge, "sir, you may present your defense now, I suggest you do."
Mr. Attitude, "you're just trying to trick me, I have rights, I don't have to tell you shit!"
Judge, "sir, no need for profanity, I will find you in contempt if you continue to use inappropriate language. You have a right to remain silent but you requested this hearing. Please present your side of the case."
Mr. Attitude, "I ain't telling you shit!, He'd just lie (pointing at the officer), and you'll believe him, all judges side with cops! I WANT AN APPEAL!"
Judge, " I must remind you sir, that an appeal is only available if you are found in violation."
Mr. Attitude, "Fuck You (pointing at the judge), and Fuck Him (pointing at the officer). I WANT AN APPEAL!"
By now the bailiff and clerks are holding their hands over their mouths to keep silent and the audience is totally suppressing the urge to roll on the floor laughing at this clown, the judge, however, is not so amused.
"Very well sir, I find the officer has presented a prima facie case, I find you guilty as charged."
Then the judge turns to the clerk and says,
- "maximum fine, ($500)
- $500 contempt
- long driver improvement school (a 40 hour week school, not the 4 hour Saturday afternoon refresher----FYI that school has a $250 tuition plus state fees)
- Complete retesting (written, driving & eye test)
- full points
- minimum 30 day suspension, not to be reinstated untill all provisions of this ruling are satisfied
If this idiot had just said 'no contest' his fine would have been $25 and $2.50 court costs. If he'd been contrite and asked nice, the judge would have withheld adjudication (no points).
The judge turns back to the defendant locks eyes with him, slaps the gavel down and says
"you wanted it, you got it, 'appeal this!' "
You just can't fix STUPID!
Be careful what you wish for you just might get it.
