So, we are here for my brother's surgery. Part of his preparation is to 'clean out' his system. We stopped yesterday at Publix and bought 2 jugs of Gator ade for his mix. This evening he says to me -"what ...did you do with the Gator Ade?
I said "hmmm, didn't you carry it up last night?"
Room search commences~~~ no gator ade. OK, it's in the truck. He goes down to search, no gator ade. OK, I'll go look and if I don't find it I'll go get some more.
Truck search commences, no gator ade. Hmm, I think they fell into a mini-black hole or that place where orphan socks go in the dryer. Sooo, off to search for new gator ade.
I start to cruise US1 for a grocery store. Ahh, I spot a shopping center, good. I turn in, ooooo, double good --there's a 'whole foods grocery store'. Surely they have gator ade. I find a place to park that was designed for any car smaller than a ford escort (I have a full size truck-here come the door dings).
I go into the store and all the aisles are one and a half cart wide so navigation was difficult. I search up and down every aisle and don't find a single product with a recognizable name. Even their bottled water is by companies I never heard of. So I don't waste the trip I grab a small container of fresh berries, only $7 and head to the check-out.
First mistake, I pick the short line. The lady ahead is trying to pay for her 60$ worth of gourmet food with a food stamp debit card that only has 8$ credit left on it. So she starts digging through the biggest Louis Vuitton gunny sack purse I ever saw and manages to round up $52 in ones and quarters. Half hour later I get to pay a dollar a piece for strawberries.
So, the store next door is Target. Surely THEY have gator ade. Inside I am greeted with the melodious sounds of screaming children. Now every Target I've ever been in has all their drinks and candy just past the cash-register area. Not this one, store search commences.
Cruising EVERY aisle I get to the farthest dregs in the deepest darkest corner in the far, far side of the store to find the soda, juice, water and YES!!!! Gator ade. Now all I have to do is make it back to the checkout. Not so fast, should have known this would be a mine field too.
As I try to escape up an aisle to get toward the front of the store I am trapped by a woman trying to navigate her 6 kids in three carts while tiptoeing in her hooker style bamboo stiletto platform shoes where the heels end in green balls... that look like gumballs. She weighs all of 79 lbs and her thighs are about the size of my forearm. (And she's had 6 kids)! Her jeans were so tight I could read the label on her thong underwear! (bet she's got more than $8 left on her food stamp debit card).
Finally get around that sand trap and a into line. I'll be smart this time, I pick a long line (I'm not getting tricked into that fake short line again)!
So the cashier is really good, whips right through that double cart order that the sweet looking old grandpa we all adore is buying-- until he turns around and he has an 18" pony tail attached to the back of his bald head and his fly is open. I try not to turn up my nose to the wafting aroma of BO and urine -Yuck!
So she rings me up, I pay and drop my receipt into my purse with my change. I'm almost home free, I see the door, it's getting closer, closer, I can almost smell the barf in the parking lot when...... I make the mistake of making eye contact and smiling at the tall young mall cop with her badge on the wrong side of her too big, wanna-be cop shirt. She smiles back and says 'I need to see your receipt'!
OMG, all these people in the store with double carts and bulging hobo bags over their shoulders and she wants to see the receipt for one 8 pack of gator ade,---- so I dig it out of my purse and she thanks me.
The way this trip is going I fully expected her to notice the GLOCK in my purse, but thank heaven she was more worried about my stealing a pack of gUM than my gUN!- (duh)
Back to the room safely.
Ah, I love life on other planets!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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